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BEAUTY WHISPERS
Those who look for beauty, find it.
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I rose early on Valentine Day 2000 shortly after Mark had come to bed and went down stairs to check on Beth. It was a cold day in New Jersey, wrapped in winter’s chill with snow and ice covering the ground. Beth had lapsed into a coma several days before and I did not want her to be alone. Mark worked all night in the next room to where she lay so I knew I could catch some sleep and not worry about her. He would constantly go in to check on her, as would her son. We had converted the living room into her bedroom upon her return from the hospital. Beth’s only request was to die at home. Cancer ravaged her body. Mark and I had driven from California earlier to stay with his grieving dad on Long Island. We had been with him for over a month when we had all rushed to New Jersey to be near her as she lay close to death in the hospital. She recovered. When Beth could come home from the hospital I insisted we move in with her to help in these final four weeks. Her son had come up from Florida several months earlier and welcomed the help.
I first met Beth when she was 13 and blossoming into a beautiful woman. Now I was with her at the end of her 46 years to help her through this final stage. We always got along so it was easy to move in and be a companion to her in these final weeks of her life even though for most of our lives we had no connection. I had only recently reentered Mark’s life and was just getting reacquainted with the family when the news came of her dying.
When Beth could still get around we would have lovely talks in the kitchen in the early morning while everyone else slept. She was still full of spirit and we had to be careful sometimes with our laughing not to awaken the others. Her dog would become excited and start barking with our giggling as we recounted funny episodes from our lives. And sometimes I just held her in my arms as she pulled up memories of unfinished business. At my encouragement she made several phone calls during those weeks to past acquaintances to correct what she had perceived as wrongs she had committed against them. She was very brave in those final weeks and willing to right the wrongs of her life. I greatly admire her for the determination she had in this area.
On the afternoon of this particular day the hospice workers came in to help. I found when they first started coming several weeks earlier I had a hard time leaving her in their care. They were wonderful though and I had been able to finally relax and leave her for a few hours. Mark’s dad had just come from Long Island so the four of us decided to go out for a long Valentine lunch nearby at one of Beth’s favorite restaurants. When we returned I took a brief nap before returning to the living room.
Several days earlier a friend of Beth’s had dropped by and left a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I had placed them on the living room table so Beth could see them from her bed. It was a few hours after the flowers arrived that she lapsed into a coma. I had spent the last severals days sitting on the couch looking at the flowers and sending in my mind loving thoughts to Beth. I continued this process after my nap while her dad sat by her side holding her hand. The two of us sat for several hours and as evening came she passed gently away without a sound. I knew instantly the moment of her passing though I was across the room.
As the family said goodbye to her I sat and stared at the lovely flowers. It was a large arrangement with many different kinds of flowers and a mixture of colors for my eyes to feast upon. My senses heightened as I gazed upon nature’s beauty with tear filled eyes. The simple perfection of each flower entranced me and held my gaze. I had been looking at the bouquet for several days but now it was different. There was an aliveness and clarity in the beauty I had not seen before.
As my spirit filled with beauty whispering life I connected with Beth’s spirit which was now up on the ceiling looking down on all of us. I sensed a curiosity and joy coming from her. I kept looking up at that spot above her bed where she lingered but was unable to see anything. I felt her, sensed her presence and she knew I knew she was still there. I stayed in the room for nearly three hours, looking at the bouquet of beauty, silently communicating with Beth until her body was removed. I could not leave her alone even though Mark, his dad and her son were constantly going in and out.
Such a gift she gave me. Thank you Beth for sharing with me those final moments and allowing our spirits to connect. She reaffirmed in me the joy of life everlasting. I am blessed to have experienced this time with her. She also reminded me of this connection to spirit I experienced once before in my life 24 years earlier. So twice now I have sensed spirit hoover above a lifeless body and felt their curiosity and joy.
Beauty allows me to open to this wondrous world we live in. So take a few minutes every day and look around you wherever you are. Beauty throbs in all life whispering energy for all to see and feel. Open your heart. Allow the gentle whisper in. Beauty and love can enfold you taking your spirit high connecting to life’s eternal joy. And in the connection knowing we are all one.
And sometimes in those quiet moments when I am cooking in the kitchen she visits me to keep me company and remind me she is near.
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"Four thousand volumes of metaphysics will not teach us what the soul is." Voltaire
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